


Alicorn isn't Mountain Ash

by himitsutsubasa



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Danny Knows, F/F, F/M, Horses, M/M, cursing, unicorn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-13 01:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4502109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himitsutsubasa/pseuds/himitsutsubasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles gets gored by a unicorn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alicorn isn't Mountain Ash

**Author's Note:**

> it's gonna get crazy

All Stiles could think was at least the woman looked contrite.

“I didn’t know it would do that,” she kept saying to anyone and everyone. Isaac had taken to rubbing her shoulder and telling her that everything would be okay. There was nothing wrong with being a were-unicorn. Did she know when Stiles would stop bleeding to death on the carpet?

“Soon,” she whispered to the last one and, in the typical werewolf fashion, they took it to mean if he didn’t die from it. How Stiles knew that  came from a deep reassuring feeling in his gut that he wouldn’t die. Not that that meant anything to him at all. Nope. Deep reassuring feelings were just that but maybe this was the spark too.

Again, not the best feeling of assurance, but it was all he had to work with. Sue him.

“I am going to make it,” he said. Derek just huffed from his place in the corner, where he’d been put in time out ever since he tried to kill a fifteen year old were-unicorn. Stiles was twenty-five now. He vaguely knew what he was about.

He could sense Lydia’s anxiety, buried deep but strong, and he figured it was the start of that transformation thing that happened whenever. Kira was a little more steady and the wolves were whirlwinds of varying stages of pain and fear, Scott and Derek radiating the most. 

The woman sighed. 

“We always do. Unicorns always do.” She stared off into the distance, irises and pupils vanishing into silver.

Not creepy at all. Absolutely not creepy at all. Ouch. Okay, the hole in his chest was starting to sting.

The collective hackles rose and in three, two, one.

Bam. 

Stiles breathed normally.

Well, that was… Undramatic. Anticlimactic. Nothing like the wolfy boom boom that made all sorts of flashy.

“Stiles?” Scott pressed a hand to his chest and Stiles waved him off.

He felt good. Better than he had in years. Years of bimonthly shenanigans with werewolves had ripped all sorts of cartilage and tendons and tissue and bruised him so hard he looked like a banana at the bottom of a backpack, but he felt about fourteen again, but with better hair, better skin, and in general, better health. Maybe he should have had her gore her father instead. 

“I am right as rain. Wow. That is a jolt.” Kira stared at him, her eyes radiating gold.

“Unicorn.”

“Yeah. I can feel it.”

“I’m glad you’re not a virgin,” the woman said, slumping into the couch like she was a surgeon and she’d just finished a surgery of groundbreaking proportions.

Stiles would know. Stiles was in med school.

“Would it have been bad if I was?” he asked. If Scott looked a little horrified to be talking about his best friend’s sex life and Derek looked murderous, that was not his problem.

The woman shrugged, recovering and Stiles had to say she looked familiar. “It would have been a little slower. I was turned young so I don’t remember much. My parents said there was a ton of crying though.”

Stiles sighed, lifting himself off the rug, crusty ass blood flaking off. “You’re a twenty something…”

“Nineteen, actually. It’s the lipstick,” she interrupted, flicking her dark hair over her shoulder.

“… Were-unicorn and you didn’t know that you could turn me.”

She blushed under the layers of makeup, though none of them would know if it weren’t for the fact that suddenly she radiated embarrassment. “I’m a virgin so I’m not supposed to be able to turn someone.”

“Um…” Lydia looked like she wanted to say something, but wasn’t really sure what to say. New one.

She, again, looked a little embarrassed. “Yeah. I always thought it had to penetrative, but I guess going down on a girl counts.”

Oh. “So… were-unicorn bootcamp?”

The woman nodded. “I’ll send you the guidebook. It’s really not that hard. Basic overview: Mountain ash isn’t shit; you’re a benevolent creature. You transform on the new moon. You have to go all the way at first, but you can control how far you go later. You actually do turn into a horse, but like a unicorn horse. You have awesome healing powers all the time, but your eyes turn silvery so be careful about that. Oh, yeah, if you cut someone with the horn, you turn them…”

Stiles sighed. Okay.

“If someone cuts off the horn, you die.”

Derek had a hand on his shoulder faster than he could inhale.

“You’re kidding me.”

“You might not die of normal human stuff, but if someone wants to kill you dead, you are gonna be dead.”

“Oh.” Stiles waited. There was always more. Always more.

“The person who tries to kill you in your human form has to be a virgin. Anyone can cut off your horn though.”

“So my greatest fear is small children. Great.”

“And the clergy.”

“And the asexuals,” Isaac piped up. Stiles sighed. Right. Never forget the asexuals.

“I can’t keep calling you ‘Unicorn Lady’ in my head. What’s your name?”

The woman nodded like she accepted ‘Unicorn Lady’ as a well and proper name. “Kaia Mahaelani.”

The collective stutter was loud enough to set her off.

“You’re DANNY’S SISTER,” Stiles hissed.

* * *

“Lydia, I told you…”

“I do not remember you telling me that your sister was a WERE-UNICORN.”

“How often does that come up in conversation?”

“I don’t know, maybe when I told you I was a banshee?”

“And I told you that I was a blessed human. Quid pro quo.”

“Don’t you dare quote over-quoted Latin at me.”

They kept snipping at each other over the phone and Stiles wished Danny wasn’t in London for a tech convention thing. Stiles sat with Scott on one side and Derek on the other. Boyd had shown up at the tail end of the events with Erica in tow because no one had bothered to text them that everything was a code green and not a code black. Isaac filled them in with a little help from Scott and Kira had driven Kaia home, making sure to shoot Malia a text that no, she didn’t need to book flight back for the Argent-Hale vacation to Paris. Also, to fill Malia, Allison, and their fathers in on the new status quo.

Stiles Stilinski, Were-Unicorn.

Well, his phone chimed, showing he had an email from Kaia and a pretty short pamphlet to read. He downloaded and started browsing th lore, uploading a second copy to the Hale-McCall cloud. Around three a.m., everyone started flowing out of Derek’s house to get back to their own beds before they needed to go to work on Monday. Shit. Tomorrow, today, was Monday.

“Tell Jackson to buy me things.” Lydia’s conversation with Danny had turned to nostalgia around two a.m. not that Stiles was going to tell her that. 

Scott had left at some point unknown and Stiles had been left leaning into Derek’s side, absorbing his warmth and stability like the pamphlet said he should. 

Stiles slumped onto Derek’s shoulder, consciousness drifting away from him as he heard Danny say, “I don’t need to tell him. He bought more luggage to hold everything.”

* * *

He went to class the next morning feeling a little more chipper than usual. Derek hadn’t kicked him out or made weird about the fact they had cuddled up on the couch like a pair of abandoned kittens, not that there was anything abandoned about either of them. They were perfectly not abandoned, but Stiles couldn’t think of another way to describe how Derek had breathed into his hair as Stiles nuzzled his chest.

If Derek looked better, more like his actual age and healthier than any alpha werewolf had any right to be, meaning he could probably take down a bear and be okay with whatever wounds landed on him because he looked haler, heh, than ever, then that was no one’s business but Stiles’. 

“You look like you got a great night’s rest,” Monica sighed, looking wistful. Poor child. She’d just started the second half of med school and the understanding that this haul was going to be a freakishly long and painful one had hit her. Stiles had one year left. No biggie. He could take pity on the third years who cried quietly in the hospital coffee shop. 

“Get it when you can.” Stiles reached out and patted her shoulder. 

Anxiety. She had highly elevated levels of it. Her body was worn down, and when he poked her aura, it told him that it was tired of being anxious and tired and that Monica really needed to go back to yoga. They were happy when they did yoga. 

Stiles focused on those little bumps in her aura and pressed.

Monica’s face loosened and she looked more relaxed than Stiles had ever seen her. 

Healing others, and not just the physical kind of healing. Stiles could get behind that.

* * *

Isaac had nightmares. Isaac hated his nightmares.

Stiles pressed his hand against against his back while they were eating in a booth. All of them pressed up into one tiny booth, Derek to his right and Isaac to his left.  
There were many more scars on Isaac’s aura. So many more. 

Stiles rubbed away at the heaviest ones and felt the pain fade away a little on the worst ones. The rest were already healing on their own, forming little scars in his aura that would eventually go away to. The aura told him that Isaac had to work through those on his own. Erasing them wouldn’t heal him.

Stiles listened and that night, Erica texted him a simple "thank you" that night.

It didn’t take long for his skills to be of use. Sometimes he spent hours wearing away at a few blips in an aura, nowhere near as many as he needed to fix on various people that the pack brought to him. His free time started looking like he was trying to win a community service award, but he was simply, slowly scrubbing out bits and pieces of fear and anger and pain and disgust that shouldn’t exist in an aura, that an aura protested against and asked him to fix. 

Auras. Auras were like guardian angels Stiles learned. They watched over their people and knew what they needed to make their lives worth living. Sometimes, that was Stiles rubbing out a little self-doubt in a teenage girl. Sometimes, it was calling his dad after giving someone a little clarity. 

At the end of the day, after the pack finished their runs and everyone crowded in Derek’s living room to recount the bullshit and the best of their days, Stiles leaned against Derek, wondering how that strength and power in Derek’s aura always held onto him. It didn’t say much, like Derek, but there was a steady thrum of welcome and support feeding into him, warming him up from the inside out.

Derek acted like nothing changed. He didn’t do anything differently.

Derek was stable. At thirty and settled, Derek Hale was a stable point in his world.

* * *

Which mean that everything had to go to shit soon. Namely, Stiles was a horse. 

Not so much a horse. He was a horse in the sense that he hadn’t imagined. He was a tiny horse. 

Okay, because the universe was a joke, he had to be a Falabella. He was a Falabella - though everyone insisted on calling him a Shetland pony, he was a Falabella, Kaia said so - while Kaia got to be a slick Friesian. 

She could gallop around and make the little silver ripples that appeared when her feet didn’t quite meet the ground work for her. Hell, Lydia went for a ride and crooned the whole time, feeding Kaia an apple when Kaia started nosing around Erica’s purse. 

Stiles on the other hand, got walked, in a little get up Allison had sent Scott after she found out. It was a shiny little lead that worked well. Derek was currently holding his lead and walking him around the woods, while Kaia played show horse and pranced around carrying people on her back. 

Stiles huffed, his long bangs getting in his way.

Derek brushed them out of his face with a snort. “Alright there?”

“No.”

Derek laughed like he understood Stiles, which no. Stiles was whinnying. No understanding there. “I guess you’re unhappy about the lead.”

“Very.”

Derek pat his nose, settling down on a rock. “You ran off though.”

Yes, he spent a half hour on the run in the woods, tripping over things and all around going wild like Scott had his first moon.

That did not warrant a lead.

“'Because we are free we can never be indifferent to the fate of freedom elsewhere. Our moral sense dictates a clearcut preference for these societies which share with us an abiding respect for individual human rights. We do not seek to intimidate, but it is clear that a world which others can dominate with impunity would be inhospitable to decency and a threat to the well-being of all people.'”

Derek stared at him.

“I have no idea what you said.”

Stiles stood next to Derek’s rock, enjoying the breeze and the way it blew his hair around. Maybe that’s why running felt so good. The wind in his face and the strong feeling of motion in his muscles as his hooves made distance disappear. 

“Jimmy Carter’s inauguration speech,” Stiles said. Not that Derek would understand. Derek was a wolf. What did wolves know of horses? 

“Okay."

What did boys know of wolves?

* * *

Auras brushed over him all the time, but Stiles recognized one in particular, partially because it was unlike the others. It gave to him and fed from him in turn. 

So when that aura was bruised and battered and cut to ribbons, Stiles was understandably unhappy.

“Burn, motherfucker.”

And the intruding were, fourteen flavors of crazy were-jaguar dude, was a pile of embers as soon as the molotov cocktail, fueled as much by his anger as actual fuel, hit the thing.

So burn like a fucking twig. 

He fell to his knees, he could feel Lydia’s fear from where she was trying to tell Chris that she hadn’t seen this coming. “Derek. Come on, stupidwolf. Don’t go deadwolf on me.” Stiles stuck his hands into Derek’s tattered aura and his open chest and pushed. He pushed and pushed and pushed. He had to make it work. He had to.

“Deadwolf?” Derek chuckled, wheezing. “You’re making that up.”

Stiles laughed, trying not to let the bubble in his throat burst. “No. Your uncle is undeadwolf, because he almost burned to death in a fire. What’s your excuse?”

Derek sighed. “Having my heart ripped out.”

Stiles could feel Derek’s heart beating under his hands. “I’ve seen you go through worse."

“Yeah.” Derek blinked slowly and Stiles felt the aura whispering against his skin, promising that Derek would  be alright soon. Stiles’ aura whispered right back, wrapping around Derek like a second skin, cocooning him in Stiles’ protection.

Stiles pressed his forehead against Derek’s clammy skin. “Go to sleep, okay? I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

Derek didn’t answer.

* * *

Peter sipped his coffee. 

“So, you’re telling me that my nephew has finally gotten a love interest?”

Way to break the fourth wall.

Chris snorted. “He’s had significant others in the past.”

“One that is probably not going to kill him.” Okay. True.

Chris had seen Derek’s life go to shit. A lot of times. More times than were necessary probably. But, somehow, along the way, and Chris was fuzzy about when, but it was probably around  the time he and Peter went on a camping trip and they met a girl who told them that things were going to work out for them in the future, something about writing a better tomorrow. 

“Probably.”

Peter shrugged, setting down his mug. “You never know with Stilinski’s. They’re heartbreakers."

Chris rolled his eyes, settling his arm over Peter’s shoulder. “You’re married to me now.”

Peter batted his eyelashes and pursed his lips into a faux pout. “Yes, but I could have been a Sheriff’s wife.”

“You can still be,” Chris reminded him. There were plenty of places willing to take Argent law enforcement. It was just a matter of saying he was interested.

Peter grinned, pecking a kiss to Chris’ cheek. “Awwww, don’t quit your day job, baby.”

“My day job is lounging around with you,” Chris answered pressing a kiss to Peter’s nose.

Peter pressed his cheek against Chris’ jaw. “You should get back to doing that.” 

They did not lounge. 

* * *

“Andalusian.” Kaia didn’t even bat an eyelash. Derek patted Stiles’ mane with a warm hand. Ugh… it should not have felt as nice as it did. maybe he should ask for ear scratches next time.

Stiles slipped back, difficult, but possible in the six new moons since his goring, and patted himself on the back. Aww yeah. Nice.

“Where do your clothes go?” Scott asked.

“It’s kind of bothering me.” Allison, first time seeing the horse because she’d gone on a very long vacation that was more like a short move to France than a vacation now that Stiles thought it through.

“I don’t know.”

“There’s a whole page in the pamphlet dedicated to how we don’t know,” Kaia said.

No one read the pamphlet, except for maybe Lydia and Derek. Lydia because she liked knowing things and Derek because one day, he just grabbed Stiles after a particularly bad day and held him. Just held him until he felt better, recharged, stable. 

Unicorns had their anchors too. 

“Andalusian, baby!” Stiles crowed before slipping into his horse form, now much larger, and took Scott and Allison for a ride.

When he got home, he googled,”What’s an Andalusian horse?"

* * *

“Did you know I was in Lord of the Rings?”

“You were not,” Danny muttered, shoving a peanut butter cookie into his mouth.

“Well, my horse was,” Stiles conceded, but how cool was that? His breed was the breed of kings and of Lord of the Rings. How freaking awesome was that?  
Danny nodded. “Yeah.”

Stiles and Danny stared at the screen where they were watching a replay of the most recent training video. So far, Scott had taken Jackson down with a sweep and Jackson was fighting to get back up. “So you’re a blessed being.”

“Yes.”

“What does that look like?”

“Like a human.”

Stiles boggled. “What?”

“I was blessed by Lona. She made me immune to the creatures of the moon. She gave me the strength to nudge them.”

“Nudge?” Stiles felt his world shift a little and when he examined the new weight on his head, he felt a horn. Shit.

“Nudge,” Danny affirmed, making it all go away.

“Are any of us normal?”

Danny paused. “Your dad.”

“Yeah, but… he mentioned something about really hairy men in the family tree.” Stiles knew that there was something weird in their family. Deaton said the spark didn’t just appear and there wasn’t any magic on his mother’s side as far as his father and his maternal grandmother remembered. His paternal grandparents were dead and therefore could not provide any information involving magic and hairy family members.

“And?”

Stiles shrugged. “I don’t know maybe he’s part Yeti. We’re part yeti.”

Danny sniffed. “Unlikely. The yeti is Nepalese and I don’t recall any of your family history being locating in the Himalayas.”

“Alright, but we have to agree that there is something up with Mrs. McCall. She’s got the patience of a saint.”

Erica took down Boyd with something that looked like it came from the Black Widow movie, which was great by the way. Suck it Marvel exec’s who said it would tank. It was the highest grossing movie yet.

Danny shrugged. “Who knows?”

They turned back to the screen, watching Isaac accidentally leave his back wide open. Ouch. Derek was not kind.

“So…do you think you could make them wolf out?”

“Stiles….”

Stiles slumped into his chair, stuffing his mouth with popcorn to shut himself up. “Sorry.”

Danny chuckled darkly. 

“I know for a fact that I can.”

Okay. Watch out for Danny then. Innocent cinnamon roll was a sinnamon roll.

* * *

_“Do you want to get dinner?”_

_“Like on a date?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Okay.”_

Stiles was now officially dating Derek Hale. Score!

* * *

“You do know that Andalusians are the horses of kings?”

“Yeah.”

Chris gave him a significant look, one that Lydia had been giving him for weeks.

Stiles hesitated. “Yeah?”

“You realize what ‘Derek' means right?"

Stiles laughed. No way. No freaking way.

Chris looked a little sad for him.

Motherfucker.

* * *

“So… Peter.” Peter Hale sighed. It was one of those "the gods are testing me" sighs. It was reserved for when Stiles showed up at the Hale-Argent house in the middle of the night with a frozen pizza.

“Yes, Stiles.”

“So when were you going to let us in on the secret?”

“What secret?” Peter asked, thinking carefully about who on earth could have told. Shit.

“The fact that you have a few pages on unicorns from your time in France."

Chris. Damn it. Allison and Malia had no idea. Cora and Laura hadn’t asked. Lydia still wasn’t talking to him because of that one time he set her shoes on fire, and in his defense, he needed something that would hurt and distract an assailant. Her shoes just so happened to be there. 

It had to be Chris.

“Who did you hear that from?”

Stiles grinned. “You better half.”

Right. Chris was not getting sex anytime soon, even if Peter understood that Chris had a good reason for giving out information.

“You want it?”

Stiles grinned, “Yep.”

Peter made a copy and tried not to laugh when he read the passage that applied to Stiles’ predicament after the kid left. Never mind. Chris was getting all the sex.

* * *

Stiles settled down on the barstool “Your uncle told me.”

Derek continued chopping the bell peppers like nothing was amiss.

“My inner unicorn says that you are my mate.” Stiles went for nonchalant, like it really didn’t bother him at all that Derek Hale was the one his horsey self was lusting after and totally willing to bang. Like, just bang hard and long and have little colts and fillies with, which was kind of terrifying.

Derek didn’t even raise an eyebrow. “Okay.”

Stiles pressed his palms on the counter, using his upper body to lift himself across until he was almost nose to nose with Derek. “You’re just going to accept that?” 

Derek shrugged and went back to his stew. “My inner wolf says that I should mate you too.”

Stiles rubbed his hands over his face. “We sound like really bad lines from Fifty Shades of Grey.”

“Please never mention that book in my presence,” Derek grunted, stirring his stew.

Stiles settled back on the stool. “I’m sorry you get so offended that it disparages your sisters’ jobs.”

“Please never mention that either."

* * *

Kaia cackled, actually cackled, as she updated Sophie on the situation in Beacon Hills. 

The witch listened quietly, trying very hard not to sweat because she had previously punched a hole in the fabric of space time and it looked like something had gotten through. 

So yeah. 

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah. I did the thing. Thank you my lovely friends IRL for being supportive of my inability to focus and write a coffee shop au like a normal person.  
> All data on the unicorn mythos is my own. I'd like to keep it for a novel I may write in the future.  
> Lona is the moon goddess in Hawaii'an mythology.  
> Kaia means "pure". Freisians are intelligent and light on their feet for their size.  
> Derek means "of the king". Andalusians are intelligent horses with amazing star ability. They are the horses of kings.  
> Falabellas are Argentinian, which is where Cora is hiding out so I couldn't pass it up. They are extremely intelligent and trainable.


End file.
